Growing up in the sports world tough love was all I knew.  Merriam-Webster dictionary defines tough love as; love or affectionate concern expressed in a stern or unsentimental manner (as through discipline) especially to promote responsible behavior.  

Here's the deal with tough love... when you're raised in an environment where love is tough, it shapes your perception of love as always being tough. Does that resonate? If not, take a moment to reread it slowly. 

As an athlete, I thrived on challenges. The tough-love approach from my coaches only fueled my desire for their approval. It was in those moments of facing obstacles that I discovered my inner strength and resilience. Embracing the challenges and pushing through them not only shaped me as an athlete ,but also as a person. It taught me the importance of perseverance and determination, instilling in me a sense of accomplishment and confidence that would guide me through all aspects of life. The tough love I received was a tough lesson, but one that ultimately made me stronger and more capable of overcoming any obstacle that came my way.

I was ingrained with the belief that asking for help was a sign of weakness, a crack in my armor of self-reliance. It meant exposing my vulnerabilities, showing that I wasn't the unbreakable force I portrayed myself to be. As an athlete, vulnerability was a foreign language to me. I was physically incapable of putting words together that allowed me to ask for help.

In my later years I realized seeking help wasn't a sign of weakness. It was a testament to my courage, a bold step towards growth and improvement. And in that realization, I found a new strength in admitting when I needed assistance, knowing that it didn't diminish my capabilities, but enhanced them.  Asking for help wasn't a flaw, but a strength in itself, a willingness to learn and grow beyond my limitations.

To be clear, I don't think tough love is a bad thing, so stay with me here. As a coach myself, I'm constantly in my athlete's ass. I push them past their limits. I tell them to go harder when I already know they're going their hardest. I show my athletes that even though they THINK they can't go any longer, they really CAN. And I do all of this through tough love. 

However, I also tell my athletes that mistakes are normal. I remind them that when they mess up, it means they're trying. I tell them that new things are hard at first, and NOT to expect perfection. I make myself available if they need help. I remind them that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of someone who wants to be great and knows they can't do it alone. 

My love is tough, but my helping hand is easy. 

To all the dedicated coaches out there molding resilient warriors and teaching your players the true meaning of tough love, continue to challenge them, but always remember to lift them up. These athletes will transition into the real world. They will face setbacks, and they need to understand that seeking help is not a sign of weakness, but a display of strength.